Contemplating
by Kaoru Tezuka
Summary: Yuki is found in the kitchen holding a knife to his wrist. What does Kyo do about the situation? Read and find out.:  Warning! mentions of Haru x Momiji and one-sided Yuki x Kyo! Please review!


A/N: Alright, I felt like doing another story. This one is a Fruits Basket fic based around Yuki with some implied one-sided yaoi along with implied couples and some mild language. Hope you enjoy! ^_^

Melody: Kaoru Tezuka doesn't own Fruits Basket, otherwise there'd be yaoi and yuri galore, along with much randomness.:)

Alexander: Warning, this fic contains one-sided yaoi, implied pairings, mild language, mild violence, and a near suicidal Sohma boy, you've been warned. If this ain't your thing, don't read.

Contemplating

Yuki Sohma was standing in the kitchen with one of the knives in his hand. He stood there with his other arm stretched out over the sink, staring at it as if it would tell him why he was doing this again. Every time he was left alone in the house he did this, grabbed a knife, put his arm over the sink, and tried to find it in himself to slit his wrists and end it all. Of course, he never did, he had never done this before Tohru and he hadn't done this after Tohru... That is, until THAT incident, the incident that had caused him so much pain. The day he was about to tell Kyo how he felt about him, how he REALLY felt, Kyo had picked Tohru without even knowing Yuki was an option. Yuki figured Kyo hated him anyways, so even if Kyo had known he wouldn't have picked him, but that didn't make it hurt any less. In fact, if anything, it made it hurt worse that Kyo probably wouldn't have thought to even consider him. Yuki still remembered what happened soon after the announcement was made to Shigure's small household.

/Flash Back!:)/

_Yuki was sitting in the garden that was his "Secret Base." It wasn't even a secret to anyone who'd come by the house often or lived in it, but it remained the "Secret Base" none the less. He'd been sitting in it crying for a few minutes after Kyo told everyone the news. All of a sudden, he heard something in the bushes. He looked up and saw the cat himself coming out with his hands up as a show of peace. He went over and sat beside the crying rat, being careful of the newly sprouting berries and vegetables as he did so._

_ "So, what's got you so upset? Haru decide he liked Momiji better?" Kyo said, joking about Haru's old crush on the young rat rather then being sincere as he talked about the ox._

_ "I'm not concerned about that, though I did hear from one of the rats from the main house that Haru dumped Rin for Momiji. I don't think she's very happy about it." Yuki said as he smiled a bit at the mental image of the look on the, in his opinion, rather rude horse's face. He almost dared to laugh about, but decided against it since he was certain Kyo would make fun of him about his laugh._

_ "Interesting." Kyo said, looking about as interested as Shigure having to listen to his editor rant about deadlines. "So, what's got you upset then?" Kyo said, looking from the painting-like sunset to the grey-haired rat teen sitting beside him. When Yuki didn't say anything, Kyo decided to joke around a bit._

_ "What, cat got your tongue?" he said with a grin as he attempted to get Yuki to lighten up. After that comment Yuki could no longer contain his laughter, and started giggling in a way that was uniquely him. Kyo sat there, staring at Yuki in awe as he watched the boy laugh. When Yuki looked back at him he could've sworn he saw a faint blush on Kyo's face, if only for a second. Sadly, just as quickly as it had came, it was gone, and Kyo was back to staring at the sunset._

_/_End flashback!:)/

For some reason, the day after that whole thing while everyone was out shopping, Yuki had gotten into the habit he was currently stuck in. As he looked down at his hand, all kinds of thoughts started swirling through his head. 'You could end it now and not have to deal with the pain of seeing him with her everyday.' 'No! That's not right, if you live you at least get to see him smiling and happy!' 'But what's better, going through the spiritual numbness that is death, or having to face the reality every day that you lost?' 'Even so, it's better to put forth the extra effort and live! If you die, it's practically like saying you've completely lost!' 'But if he's chosen someone else haven't you already lost?' As thoughts like these swarmed through his head, leaving him in an almost trance-like state, he never heard the front door opening. All of a sudden, an ear-piercing scream rang out through the air, causing Yuki to snap out of it and drop the knife in the sink and fall to the floor holding his ears. Kyo ran over as Tohru stood there too terrified to move, and Shigure stood there with a stunned look on his face. Kyo looked at Yuki's wrists and the rest of his arms to make sure he hadn't actually hurt himself, then he gave Yuki a hard smack on the face. Yuki didn't respond, he just took it and wouldn't look Kyo in the eye.

"What's wrong with you, you stupid Rat? Were you going to kill yourself, or just try to give us all a heart attack? Well?" The way Kyo was talking to him made Yuki finally look up at him, his face was tear-streaked and more kept coming, his eyes were red and bloodshot from crying, and he looked like you couldn't leave him alone and expect him to be okay when you got back. Kyo looked down at him and did what no one ever thought he would do. He pulled Yuki into a hug, not a bone crushing, spine breaking, anime-style bear hug, just a gentle embrace to show Yuki how much he cared. Yuki was stunned to say the least, but eventually started hugging Kyo back, allowing any tears he had left to fall freely as he let his head rest on Kyo's shoulder.

"Gomenasai, Gomenasai..." Yuki said over and over between sobs. Kyo allowed Yuki stay like that until he was done crying. By that point, Shigure had started picking up any dropped groceries there were, and Tohru was led to a chair so she could sit down and calm her nerves.

"What on Earth were you thinking?" Kyo said finally when Yuki had finished crying.

"I-I just d-didn't feel like I was of any u-use to a-anyone." Yuki said. He looked truly defeated about something but Kyo couldn't quite place what it was.

"What do you mean? Seriously, I really don't get. I guess that's to be expected of a rat though." Kyo said folding his arms and looking at Yuki with a rather confused look on his face.

"H-hey!" Yuki yelled. He was about to say more when Kyo cut him off with a question he wasn't about answering.

"Why? Why would you feel like you were of no use to anyone?" Kyo asked, looking dead serious. Yuki mumbled something inaudible as an answer, which just made Kyo more persistent.

"What?"Kyo asked, leaning in closer in case Yuki tried mumbling again.

"I-I said th-that I d-don't know why." Yuki nearly whispered.

"Well why wouldn't you know?" Kyo asked, forcing Yuki to look him in the eyes. As he did so, something in Yuki just snapped and he broke down crying again. Kyo looked down at the sobbing mess who wa a shadow of his former self. Even Kyo had to admit he wasn't the same Yuki he once knew, and not in a good way.

"Yuki, tell me the REAL reason we found you with a knife. Please?" Kyo asked as he held the crying boy once more. At this point, Kyo had started noticing how much calmer Yuki got when he stroked his hair gently so he did just that as he sat there with a crying Yuki.

"I-I just couldn't take it, I'd tried already too many times to count and I always end up the same! I can't take it because it hurts so much, but it's the one thing that keeps me from killing myself every time! I'm going crazy and it's all because of you, but I can't find it in me to blame any of it on you!" Yuki sat there, and the more he yelled, and the more hysterical he got, the more tears he shed and the better it clicked for Kyo that Yuki was in love with him. As he realized this, Kyo walked over to the grief-stricken teenager before him and wrapped him in the same gentle embrace from before.

"Heh, you really on't take rejection well, do you?" Kyo said, clinging to Yuki tighter as if it would keep the boy from trying to take his life again.

"You didn't even mean to do it." Yuki said as he hugged Kyo back, finding solace in the fact that Kyo cared for him in some way, even if it wasn't the same way Yuki cared for him.

"Still, you do realize there are others out there who truly love you the way you want to be loved, right?" Kyo said as he wiped away any left over tears Yuki had.

"L-like who?" Yuki asked, wiping away the few tears Kyo missed.

"I don't know, that's for you to find out for yourself." Kyo said as he walked over to Tohru to make sure she was okay, leaving Yuki to pick himself back up like he'd seen the rat do so many times before.

A/N: Well, that only took a load of dishes, my annoying little sister pestering me almost the whole time, and several youtube videos and deviantart pictures to finish.:)

Alexander + Melody: ONLY!

Authoress: Yep.:)

Alexander + Melody: /sweatdrop/

Authoress: Well, hope you enjoy, byez and loves.:) OH! And tell me f this is a good one-shot, or if you'd like it better as a multi-chap fic.:)


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